random_ian

I'm the world's biggest A-Hole

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 23:52:02 GMT

I hate myself, and I'm going to hell

It's Been Awhile

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 01:40:40 GMT

Okay, so I havent updated this thing in a while, so here are some good and bad things that have been going on.

(+)I got a job at Publix
(+)I got a car
(-)I now have to worry about car insurance
(-/+)I like someone
(-) They don't like me the way I wished they would
(+)I still have a 4.0 at BCC
(-)I have a D in Chemistry
(+)FCAT writes is over and done with
(-)We still have a total of 3 more tests to take
(+)Working at Publix is getting me in better shape
(-)The pay isnt that good yet, but it will get better soon :)
(+)I think I may actually be able to get an A in Geometry this semester
(-)Mrs Minor
(+)Ms Moore (she's awesome, I don't care what you guys say, she's a great English teacher.
(+)Im dropping all of that weight I gained over winter break
(+)So far this month (Feb) I've learned 6 new songs on the guitar
(+)Dr Stein's Psychology class
(+)Feeling better about life in general
(-)Some skeletons are coming out of the closet to haunt me

Much Love All

Good Week

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 00:26:57 GMT

This week was awesome, so many good things happened, and this weekend should be pretty awesome as well.
Monday was my first day back at BCC after the holidays. I had Astronomy, and it was pretty decent, if not a tad.....in depth. I think it'll be a good class though, if I'm able to stay awake. On tuesday, I had Psychology I, which so far, has been my favorite class. The professor is probobly one of the funniest, coolest, most laid back people ever which is sure to make for a decent class.

On a different note, I finally got a job! Publix called me on monday, and told me that I could come in any time to do my drug test, so needless to say, I went right away and got it over with. Finally, they called yesterday and said I needed to come by to pick up a training packet, uniforms, and my schedule. I was so stoked that someone finally hired me I just about lost it lol.

Anyway, I go in on saturday for Orientation/Training, and I start working at Post Commons on Monday as a bagger.

So yeah, this week was awesome :)

Gonna grab some afternoon delight

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 20:10:49 GMT

Today sucked.
I woke up this morning at 5:30 with some stomach thing.
I feel like crap.

The only plus out of this whole thing is that I got to sleep till noon, and skip school, which is always cool. I actually feel okay now, so I'll probobly be there tomorrow, just behind in all my classes, which isnt really a big deal.

I suppose I should do what everyone else seems to have done, and say something about New Year's resolutions. Mine are as follows:
1. Get a job
2. Get a car
3. Save up $1,000
4. Excercise more, and eat less crap

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, Life goes on...

I feel ever so refreshed

Tue, 27 Dec 2005 04:01:36 GMT

I should have known you'd bid me farewell
There's a lesson to be learned from this and I learned it very well
Now, I know you're not the only starfish in the sea
If I never hear your name again, it's all the same to me

And I think it's gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball

You never care for secrets I confide
For you, I'm just an ornament, somethin' for your pride
Always runnin', never carin', that's the life you live
Stolen minutes of your time were all you had to give

And I think it's gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball

The story's in the past with nothin' to recall
I've got my life to live and I don't need you at all
The roller-coaster ride we took is nearly at an end
I bought my ticket with my tears, that's all I'm gonna spend

And I think it's gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball

Oh, I think it's gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball

I had an awesome Christmas

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 19:05:14 GMT

My Christmas totally owned! Despite a few last minute issues, everything came together perfectly, and I think that everyone else's Christmas was as awesome as mine was. Everyone keeps asking me what all I got, and I figure rather than tell everyone the same think around 40 times, I'll just make it into a post.
-A black Fender Squier electric guitar
-A Crosley suitcase turntable (Hey, everyone knows that records are cooler than CD's)
-A new pair of Levis
-An ipod car kit for my "Invisible and absent to the touch" car
-The three old Star Wars movies on DVD
-Psycho
-The Ring 2
-Franny and Zooey
-Naked by David Sedaris
-Cyrano de Bergerac- a french play from the early 19th century that made me laugh so hard I cried.
-New Moccasins
-A mall gift card
-The Best of The Byrds
-The Beatles' White Album
-CHIPMUNK CHRISTMAS
-Life's Lessons according to Mr. Rogers

So yeah, thats what I got, but we all know that Christmas is about so much more than material things. I think this is the first year that that was relevant to my Christmas, just because I felt so much closer to my mom and my brothers than I have in the past, and the fact that dad didnt get drunk and pass out on the couch... I hope that everyone's Christmases brought them a lot of joy, and look forward to seeing you all back at school/youth/church/wherever I see you.

Solo Deo Gloria

LaLaLaLife

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 02:07:30 GMT

Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight...

The Season is upon us now

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 03:04:29 GMT

Well, after 12 months of anticipation, build up, and waiting, Christmastime is here. Meaning that people flock to stores to spend exeuberant amounts of money on gifts that will by next year, lie unused and forgotten in the bottom of closets and drawers. Such is life.

However, before I can think of presents and trees and parties, I have to worry about projects, final grades, extra credit, and getting a job and a car. I just feel so overwhelmed sometimes you know? Its like everyone and everything is against me, and trying it's best to screw me up somehow. I know that sounds really dumb and paranoid, and that no one is out to screw me up, or get me, but it sure feels like it. I have so much that I need to accomplish in the next three weeks for school, that I'm starting to get overwhelmed. I have a forty hour online class that the fine folks at EGHS didnt tell me about until this past week, and that is due at the end of term, which I havent even started. I have a book report for English that is due next monday, as well as a speech that I have to help prepare, which is also due on monday. And in addition to that I have another BlahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhAHH NO MORE NO MORE. It sucks, and I'm not trying to be emo or anything, eventhough I ALWAYS come off that way.

Another milestone that is vastly approaching (a week from wednsday in fact) would be my driving test. I'm not worried about that too much, but I'm still a bit nervous. I'm more worried about how I'm going to be able to afford to pay for gas, and insurance, and all of the other wonderful car things that I'll need to worry about. My uncle, being how he is, gave the van away, so now I have no car at all, looks like I'll be driving my mom's van for awile :(

On a much more serious note, we found out that my Grandma(the one I live with)has breast cancer, I really cant bring myself to say anything else about it, I'm just really thankful that they caught it so early. I pray that it will be alright, and that they'll be able to get rid of it.

Our Father, who art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On Earth as it is in Heaven
Give us this day, our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us
And lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil
For thine is the Kingdom
And the power
And the glory
Forever and ever
Amen

Remember that last part please, and remember that He fixes EVERYTHING

Ninety-Nine Dreams I Have Had

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 17:51:58 GMT

I've been so busy this past week with school, and BCC, and just other random stuff that kind of just decided to happen that I've neglected to update this journal as often as I should. Yesterday I had to give a speech on why it is important to not use your cell phone when you drive. I dunno why I picked that topic, I kind of guess that it was just the first thing to come to mind. But the long and the short of it was that I think I did terribly. Which sadly enough, seems to be pretty descripive of school in general these days. I have a 3.6 GPA at BCC, and a 3.0 at EG, which may not sound bad for some of you, but is awful for me. I'm just so unmotivated these days, I fail to see the purpose in alot of the stuff that we've been doing in school, and being the lazy wise guy that I am, I'm not doing alot of it. Especially in Geometry and Chemistry. I totally bombed my Chemistry test, getting a 38 percent, which I'm afraid will lower my already low C in that class into the D area. something that hasnt happened to me since 4th grade.
I know I should be concentrating more on school and less on other stuff, but with Christmas coming, and the fact that I'm supposed to get my liscense next month, I just have been sort of preoccupied.

As i just said, I'm supposed to get my liscense in less than a month, I'm still a substandard driver, and I still have no job, which means no money to get insurance. I sort of have a car, but it's a piece of crap, and I kind of want to buy a new one as soon as I can simply for that reason. I figure if I get a job, and start saving that minus insurance and gas, I should be able to purchase a 3,000-5,000 car by next Christmastime, Kind of far off but soon enough for me. I also decided that in addition to sending out Christmas cards to practically everyone I know, I'm going to buy presents for a bunch of people too. They won't be expensive ones mind you, but they will be something. I have to figure out what I'm going to get my mom, she does so much for everyone else, and she's been through so much crap this past year that she deserves something really nice for Christmas. There is a part of me that's thinking I'm going to go over to the storage unit and get some of my dad's antiques to hawk at a pawnshop or something, but that would be kind of dishonest, and it really wouldnt be from me. I dunno, if anyone has any good ideas, let me know.

Now it's time for everyone's favorite section of my posts, the part where I complain about girls, and how weird they are, and how bummed I am over a certain girl. You know, emo stuff like that haha. I'm actually not going to do that anymore, or try anyway. I don't have the hots for anyone right now, contrary to what you may have heard before. I'm single and kind of happy with it I guess, But I still want something more. But I guess you could call that human nature: The wanting of something that you can't have, or when you do have it, the quest for more. I had a very interesting conversation about that last night with one of my closest friends, and she said that she kind of knows how I feel. She knows who she is and I hope that if and when I find somebody, they can be like her.

This weekend is my cousin Madison's 4th birthday party, which I promised her I would go to. As well as the Trinity Bratwurst cook out, which I promised my mom I would go to. And finally, the saturday evening production of "Rumors" at school, which I need to go to in order to obtain extra credit in English, and I still havent bought a ticket for it. Knowing me, I'll wait until the last minute, and they'll be sold out of them. But it's all good.

I hope that everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!

Sitting in School

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 18:15:14 GMT

Well, I'm just sitting here at BCC in my Microcomputer Applications class, which BTW is boring, and no one in their right mind would every want to take. This evening is going to be rather hectic, first, I have to go with my mom and brothers to practice the tone chimes for Christmastime, which I'm absolutely terrified of by the way. Then, Pastor Moreno is taking some of the youth, including myself, to help clean up after this benifit thing at SUMC, which is supposed to go until eight, and lastly, I have to finish reading the chapter in MYTHOLOGY that I only half read last night. Talk about hectic.

And for those of you who are interested, I STILL havent gotten any callbacks on the three job applications I put in. I'm thinking of calling tommorrow to see if they've all been looked at yet or not. I really really really really really really really really really really really really really realy do NOT want to work at McDonalds or something else equally disgusting, but If I have to in order to be able to drive.... which I do, then I guess I'd just have to deal with it.

If anyone wants to hang out this weekend, let me know, but you'll have to pick me up because I won't have a ride. Wish me luck on my Credit by Exam test tommorrow !

Living with the lions

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 00:51:07 GMT

I havent posted in a while, that kind of happens when you have a very full schedule and alot of homework. I'm writing this on borrowed time as it is, so I'd better get to the point and hurry up.

Great ambition and conquest without contribution is without significance. What will your contribution be? How will history remember you?
-William Hundert "The Emperor's Club"

How will history remember you?, How will history remember me?, these two questions have weighed quite heavily on my mind lately. I want to do something great, something that people will remember, something to help those around me. For those of you in my history class, you may equate this to the Pay It Forward assignment, but it's so much more to me than that.
This whole thing kind of reminded me of a quote I once read ( HaHa, It could be one of a trillion) that talked about how in 100 years, nothing will matter, not your car, or house, or how much money you had, but the world would be a bit better because you were important to your kids. Lord knows that NONE of those apply to my family, and albeit my mom was very important to me, and did an EXCELLENT job under the circumstances given to her, I kind of can't get over what a douche bag my dad was/is. I kind of have had to do double duty for my brothers, not only being the big brother, but also shouldering some stuff that dad should have done, or should have taught them, but never did.
I kind of realized that all of my goals and ambitions for my life time, and how selfish and self centered they are, not good at all. Therefore, I've decided that my furthermost goal in life, as of right now, is to do as much to help those around me as humanly possible. So endeth (Heh, awesome) my blog

I may not be much......but at least I'm here

Thu, 27 Oct 2005 01:02:23 GMT

Today was rather interesting in more ways than one. I actually did all of my homework that is due tommorrow without waiting until tommorrow morning, which is pretty bad for me, but whatever. Why is it that whenever I have half a shot at something that could be truly amazing I have to go and mess it up ? It seems like I have some kind of curse when it comes to things like this. I'm never in the right place at the right time these days. Maybe I'm so down because I'm downphasing from my uppers, but who really knows what the true reason is.
This weekend should be fun though, I'm going to the halloween lock-in at church friday night, and I have to help out with my brother Parker's halloween party on friday night. Halloween kind of loses its meaning when you feel too old to trick or treat, and the people in your neighborhood would call the police if you toilet papered so much as a single bush. I don't get why some people have to be so spastic and hypersensitive about stuff like that these days. Oh well.
I think I finally figured out what guitar I want to buy as well. Last saturday at Guitar Haven, I found a First Act Les Paul model (not the real Les Paul, because that's like a zillion dollars) for only 234, and I just may go back and get it. The price was right, and it looked cool, now all we have to do is hope that it sounds half as good as it looks :)
And thats all I have to say about that.
PS-I hope it all works out one way or the other (If you don't know what this is about, it's okay)

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 00:19:07 GMT

I’ve been lately thinking
About my life’s time
All the things I’ve done
And how it’s been
And I can’t help believing
In my own mind
I know I’m gonna hate to see it end

I’ve seen a lot of sunshine
Slept out in the rain
Spent a night or two all on my own
I’ve known my lady’s pleasures
Had myself some friends
And spent a time or two in my own home

And I have to say it now
It’s been a good life all in all
It’s really fine
To have a chance to hang around
And lie there by the fire
And watch the evening tire
While all my friends and my old lady
Sit and pass the pipe around

And talk of poems and prayers and promises
And things that we believe in
How sweet it is to love someone
How right it is to care
How long it’s been since yesterday
And what about tomorrow
And what about our dreams
And all the memories we share

The days they pass so quickly now
Nights are seldom long
And time around me whispers when it’s cold
The changes somehow frighten me
Still I have to smile
It turns me on to think of growing old
For though my life’s been good to me
There’s still so much to do
So many things my mind has never known
I’d like to raise a family
I’d like to sail away
And dance across the mountains on the moon

I have to say it now
It’s been a good life all in all
It’s really fine
To have the chance to hang around
And lie there by the fire
And watch the evening tire
While all my friends and my old lady
Sit and pass the pipe around

And talk of poems and prayers and promises
And things that we believe in
How sweet it is to love someone
How right it is to care
How long it’s been since yesterday
What about tomorrow
What about our dreams
And all the memories we share

I decided rather than write out everything I want to say, that I'd find a song that describes my mood in general right now. This would be Poems, Prayers, and Promises by John Denver. Since most of you find folks don't know who that is, I'll briefly explain. John Denver was a 1970's folksinger who died in 1997 when he crashed his experiemntal plain into the Pacific off of Huntington Beach, CA. His simple heartfelt songs discussed a myriad of many topics including what many would call "The Simple Pleasures in life". I for one think that the simple things are most often the best things.

That Hurricane was rather cheesy

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 19:26:29 GMT

That had to be the most dissapointing hurricane I've ever been through, not that I'm upset about that, but oh well. It was really weird, I slept through most of it, and before the storm itself was even over, I go outside, and it's like, cold! I was so happy that I came inside and started freaking out. I need to get more friends on this thing, so if anyone who's reading this wants to be my friend, add yourself. I can't really think of anything of Importance to say, so thats it I guess.

Hello

Sun, 23 Oct 2005 22:18:47 GMT

I figured that it was finally time for me to have one of these things for people I care about to check out every once in a while if they are bored, or if, as in the case of today, a hurricane is heading this way, and you can't very well go anywhere. I had an awesome day yesterday, I got to spend time with someone really special that I never get to see. We didn't have any kind of plan, we just killed time for about four hours. Killing time, something I havent been able to do in a long long time. These days I'm usually so busy with school, BCC, looking for a job, and just life in general, and I forget to take time to just sit back and enjoy the simple things. Simple things like driving around mindlessly, surfing, or even just sitting and watching the rain fall.
I'm pretty conflicted these days with alot of things. The pressure to do well in school (mostly self-inflicted), The pressure to get a job (subtly inflicted by my mom, as well as my grandparents), and finally, the pressure to do what is right by God (once again, mostly self inflicted). One of the things that I've figured out only in the last year or so is how complicated life really is. You remember being a little kid, and not having any troubles, or anything to worry about, and one day, the whole horrible, wonderful world just kind of comes and smacks you in the face. I've experienced more joy, heartache, sadness, and euphoria in the last 2 months than in most of my life. Everything has just been changing, some for better, and some for worse. I've had too many girlfriends, none of which lasted long enough to actually mean something, though they were meaningful at the time, and spent alot of time worrying over wether or not everyone else is happy with me. I mean, I want a girlfriend, don't get me wrong there, but I can never seem to find the right person, and when I do, I'm too afraid of hurting our friendship to tell her how I really feel.
I was pretty sure that I liked someone a lot, a whole lot, and then something happened to change all of that, I feel that I should like the latter, and even broke up with my most recent girlfriend partially in hopes that I could be with her. I know she deserves way better than me, and doubt that it would be good for either of us to even consider persuing a relationship. I just can't stop thinking about her though, even though we live very different lives, She is one of the most amazing people that I've ever had the privelege to meet, and I hope that one day, there may be a chance for something to be between us. Meanwhile, someone else is seemingly attracted to me, in fact, I shared an amazing moment with her recently where I felt that no matter how screwed up everything else was, right then, things were perfect.

Ahhh well, enough of sounding like an emo kid lol, later